Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize