my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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