the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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