I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
