I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
