OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
