she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
