Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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