so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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