My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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