all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
