Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
