Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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