u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
