My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
