I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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