oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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