i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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