Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
