Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
