Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
