I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
