so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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