they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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