I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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