Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
