i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
