He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
