My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
