There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
