your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I deserve this hangover.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
