I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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