I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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