she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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