I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
