It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize