if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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