I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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