yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
