Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
