I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
