so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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