There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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