Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My dick has a subreddit
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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