How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
