Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
