We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
