I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
porn star boner night. come get it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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