is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
