I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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