Sry I called you an 8
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
id be glad to
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
