Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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