I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
