official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
