Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
