I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
