dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
