I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
