Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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