Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
