1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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