We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
