You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
