could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
