I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
