Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
