Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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