There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
