Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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