I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Damn victory sex feels great
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
