Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
