The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
