This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
