I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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