he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
