So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
